Category Archives: Life in General

Beating Breast Cancer, Life in General

SAYING NO…

32 Comments

Hello all,

Sorry for the delay, been sorting out life without chemo and enjoying the break before my Herceptin/Perjeta infusion this Friday and the start of radiation on August 1.  Radiation will be every day, Mon-Fri until the middle of September. That nap I keep saying I need?  I may be more like a bear hibernating at the end of it all Download games for free full version german windows 10 offline.  🙂

I have to say though, not having to get chemo anymore is a great feeling. When I got my last Taxol infusion on July 8th, it was a huge mental mountain I had gotten to the top of.  It’s an odd feeling when you know you don’t have to endure those chemicals anymore. As much as they are needed to kill off any cancer cells that may have been hiding in my system, and I’m grateful to have had all the chemo to attack them, to know you don’t have to subject your body to those chemicals again is a big relief download stranger things.  And to not have to deal with the side effects of those chemicals is an even better feeling.

But even though mentally I’m past the chemo, I had to realize, sometimes the hard way, that physically I’m not there yet.  Just because the last of the Taxol dripped into my veins  about 3 weeks ago doesn’t mean my body is in synch with my mind in recovery. According to my badasses who have come before me, it is going to take a few months before I’ve got my stamina and energy back close to 100% office downloaden gratis.

Which leads me to the reason for this blog and one word that I have had to use more in these past 7 months of treatment than I think I’ve used in my entire life.

“NO.”

During this entire process, from diagnosis to now, there have been things people have asked me to do and I had to say no because there was no other choice and it was physically impossible to do them.  Those days when I was flat out on the couch and even answering a phone call would take too much energy you can download facebook videos. Or when going out for a quick lunch would have wiped me out for the rest of the day, or when someone wanted to visit and it meant putting on a smile and the wig for hours longer than I had in me.

And at times I even had to say no to myself. Like when I wanted to try to squeeze in an errand before going into work, but didn’t because I knew it meant being run down by the end of the night wrestling musik kostenlos downloaden. Or the long walk I wanted to try when it was way too hot and muggy. Or thinking just maybe I could work until 1am with the rest of my show team or hang on at the end of a 6 day work week for another 12 hour day when the rug got pulled out from under us by breaking news.

I have to constantly remind myself that my immune system is not where it needs to be and to pull back because doing too much could very easily make me sick or land me back in the hospital memoji stickers.  It can be frustrating, but it’s necessary to keep a balance in order to continue to get well.
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And honestly, saying no when you have all those physical limitations is easy. But saying no when you just don’t want to do something, or someone asks you to put their needs over your own is a lot harder. There are thousands of articles from psychologists and spiritual gurus who all share their input on why it is so hard to do.

But here’s what I have learned in the past few months herunterladen. When you are diagnosed with a life threatening illness and you have gone through the process of actually fighting for your life, saying no becomes a lot easier. There is now an immense spiritual power in it.

In the past, I felt like I had to explain why I couldn’t do something. As if just not wanting to do it wasn’t a good enough reason java 32 bit kostenlos downloaden. Almost like I had to have something else going on at the same time and it gave me a reason why I couldn’t do it. I’m sure you all feel the same way sometimes. As if you owe an explanation as to why you can’t do something. I have been there.

Now, I just say no.  And here’s what makes it easy for me.  When faced with a breast cancer diagnosis, you learn very quickly that no one is promised a full, long life.  It now becomes clearer than ever that you don’t know how much time you have here on Earth.  And when you beat it through surgery, chemo and radiation, you live the rest of your life wondering, but never knowing, if it will come back.

So every second, every minute and every hour of the day you want to spend doing what you want to be doing. Doing what makes you happy and what honors your own soul.  Wasting time doing things you don’t want to do is simply not an option anymore.  I am now more than ever aware of time and the inevitable lack thereof.

So please, don’t wait for a life altering event or diagnosis to take inventory of your own daily life. Notice how many times you say yes to something when you really want to say no. How many times do you put the needs of someone else over your own?  What are you doing that is taking time away from what you really want to be doing?

None of us knows how long we will have here in our one lifetime. Don’t give up any more of what makes you happy and gives you joy by doing things you don’t want to do.

In other words…start saying yes…to saying no.

IYANLA NO

Beating Breast Cancer, Life in General

THE COST OF LIVING…

40 Comments

Hello all,

Thanks again to everyone who emailed, called or texted to check in, I really appreciate it.  I can’t wait to be able to report back that I’m feeling great and have no issues or side effects.  That may not be until well after radiation sometime in the fall, but eventually it will be here so I appreciate you all even asking, knowing the response may not always be good news.

So Friday’s infusion was number 8 of 12 Taxol’s.  I only have 4 more left and I will be done with chemo July 1.   When that’s done I will be moving on to 5 weeks of daily radiation while simultaneously going every 3 weeks for the Herceptin/Perjeta antibody infusions which will go until April of 2017 simon's cat game for free.  There will be some side effects with that but not nearly what you get with AC & Taxol and I’m looking forward to having the weeks in between to recover from whatever does come along.

As I’ve gone through the 4 months so far of chemo there have been many challenges and I’ve had a lot of time to think about the whole process. On bad days when it gets to me I often wonder if it’s worth putting your body and spirit through all of this. There is no way to go over all a breast cancer diagnosis and chemo entails and all it robs you of, but when you get diagnosed and it’s a certain kind and a certain stage, you really have no choice and need the chemo Playstation 4 is not possible.

But it definitely comes with a cost.

Throughout this whole process I have seen claims going through on my insurance for $30,000+ here, $16,000+ there, $6,000+ here, and dozens and dozens of others in the thousands and high hundreds – and we are still going.  I am happy to report that I have great health insurance through work, but just to keep things in perspective, even with the insurance, so far I’m already out of pocket close to $6,000. That’s split between the big ticket deductibles and all the incidentals along the way. I have no idea how people without insurance get through it netflix tv download mobile phone.

Some random costs in addition to medical bills are hotel rooms close to the hospital when you get a 6am call time for surgery, the cost of a good wig, different hats, the trial hats that don’t work with the wig, specific make-up so you don’t look sick when you go out, trial over the counter meds that you find out don’t work so you buy other over the counter meds you need to  take most days to combat chemo symptoms. No nose hairs? Nasal drip allergy meds. Chemo dehydrated eyes? Pricey lubricant drops. Bone and joint pain? Extra strength pain meds.  And on and on.

There’s the days you have absolutely no stamina so rushing from subway to subway to commute home isn’t going to work so there’s Ubers and taxi costs herunterladen.  No energy to grocery shop, cook or clean equals too many take out dinners. There’s more, but that gives you an idea.

And each time I spend my money on those things, it goes right through me. No one would ever choose to spend their money on cancer.

But in dealing with this whole diagnosis I’ve realized you just don’t pay for it in dollars and cents. You also pay in ways that affect you physically, mentally and emotionally.  Here’s just some things that are popping into my head now.

You pay by:

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Missing several family gatherings, parties and an important visit to an ailing grandmother because you can’t make the 4 hour drive home the day after sitting through chemo bauhaus schriftart herunterladen.

Bruising from needle sticks for IVs that take a couple weeks to go away.  Or the small cut you get in the worst place that won’t heal because you are now anemic from the chemo.

Hours you lose trekking to doctor’s appointments and lab visits. In addition to spending 6-8 hours on Friday getting infusions, I just had a rushed appointment to one of Sloan’s GI doctors for help with digestive issues due to chemo. I have to have another echo this week because the meds I’m getting can cause heart issues and my oncologist wants me to get my heart checked again how can I online from share.  The week after that I have a consult with the radiation oncologist.  Then I’m back at Sloan the next day for another big infusion day.  All this is time I’d much rather be spending on anything else.

You pay in emotional ways like feeling bad you can only work a couple days a week and a lot less hours while you wait for the random side effects to lesson and you know your coworkers are putting in 12-14 hour days and totally overloaded.  Television news in a massive political season, anyone?

Or feeling guilty because you see your partner or company bored to tears because you’re not doing anything fun for the start of summer holiday eis am stiel kostenlos downloaden.  Or because you’re spending yet another night in and don’t want to make plans to go to dinner with friends because you know you won’t make it through without having stomach issues from the effects of chemo, no matter how much medication you take.

You pay for it in frustration when your doctor tells you to absolutely stay out of the sun when summer is your favorite season, the beach your favorite place and diving through waves your favorite seasonal pastime.

Or not being able to workout with any kind of intensity because of random, daily side effects or being too tired and then seeing all your friends on Facebook posting their physical accomplishments, looking and feeling great apple itunes downloaden windows 10.  Or sitting on your balcony and seeing everyone with headphones in, jogging past your building or all sweaty coming out of a kickboxing class.

Or seeing people out for drinks with friends and you haven’t had a drink with your friends in forever because you don’t want to deal with being even more dehydrated and it makes you feel sick.

You pay with a lack of sleep because you have to drink so much water and other fluids to combat the dehydration from chemo and you’re up several times a night to go to the bathroom.

The list could go on and on but I’d have to sign up for another blog to post then all. So what keeps me going?  What makes going through chemo and all the above even the tiniest bit tolerable skype downloaden op macbook?

Because in the end I know the price I’m paying will eventually be worth it, since after all, it’s the cost of actually living.

Beating Breast Cancer, Life in General

GET UP AND SPEAK UP…

14 Comments

Hey guys,

First, thanks to everyone who has been Facebooking, texting and calling to check in, I really appreciate it. I can tell when a lot of people check in that it’s time to update the blog as people are genuinely interested in where I am on this long, involuntary journey. Sorry it’s been awhile, it’s a mood thing and I didn’t want to write when I was super cranky but tonight I figure, why not. It’s not all peaches and cream so here you go.

Today, I had my 5th Taxol infusion of 12.  Combined with that other kind of chemo, it’s my 9th out of 16 infusions.  It feels sometimes like I’m chasing a moving light at the end of the tunnel, but I know at some point I’ll get there because my badasses keep telling me to hang on. So I’ll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trudge into Sloan Kettering every Friday until I’ve hit the magic number.

I’ve talked in the past about this journey being a mental game as much as it is physical and emotional.  Today was one of those days. First, I don’t want to be there to begin with, but second, they are always behind for chemo infusions download the volkswagen manual. Sometimes they are over an hour behind, sometimes there’s a bigger scheduled gap between your visit with the oncologist and the pharmacy mixing your meds and you getting into an actual room for your treatments. Those are planned gaps and you can leave and get lunch or poke around the boutique or do something, but at least you know about the wait and you can plan for it.

Today wasn’t one of those days, it was a trainwreck that ultimately ended with me asking to speak with the person who does the scheduling because clearly they don’t understand what goes on with patients who are waiting hours to get in there and they need to do something to fix it. It is all the time, every week, patients lingering in the waiting room, napping, eating, reading, pacing and quizzing the front desk people about “where they are in the queue” to get a suite. Mentally you gear yourself up to get in there and get your infusion and get out…and sitting around for hours on end waiting just adds to the frustration and makes people miserable.

Today my appointment was set for 11:45am. I don’t have a problem if they are backed up 30-45 minutes, I get it, things happen. But today they were 2 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES late herunterladen.  I left my house at 10:45am to get there on time, and didn’t get seated in a chemo chair until 2:30PM.

And what made it worse was when I’d check in with the front desk, the guy told me at 1pm that my meds were mixed and ready and it should be “15 minutes or so,”  Then when it wasn’t, I checked in with the woman popping her head out of the suite door calling patients in. She said she’d check and let me know when I’d be called. She never came back. I then cornered another woman who was heading into that area, who by the way, doesn’t have a thing to do with chemo infusions, if she could check. She said she’d ask for me. Finally the other woman came back and said I was next, a nurse was getting my room ready and it shouldn’t be long, yet 45 minutes later I still wasn’t called & she was nowhere to be seen.

So here’s the thing with hospitals and everything in life. You can either sit there and take it, sigh loudly like some, take another nap, send someone out for yet more food, or call and complain to a friend.

Or you can get up, speak up and demand they get their act together.

So that’s what I did. I huffed up to the front desk and asked who was in charge of setting the appointments and asked to speak with that person reiseführer herunterladen.  I was told it was an admin person but she wasn’t sure who, but she could have “Alice, the patient advocate” come see me in my room when I get there.  I told her I didn’t have a room and was waiting for over 2 and 1/2 hours. Her eyes got as big as saucers. She called back to the suites again and they told her to send me to room 19.  She told me Alice would immediately meet me in there.

I got to room 19 and there wasn’t s a soul in sight.  No nurse, no tech, no Alice.  I saw the weekly paperwork I have to fill out for a clinical trial I’m in regarding neuropathy (burning, tingling, pain) in my fingers and toes, and took it upon myself to get the show on the road and start filling that out. The post it on the front said “Deliver for 11:45am appointment” to which I passive aggressively scribbled out and wrote “NOT SEEN UNTIL 2:30PM!” It was a start radio.de zum herunterladen.
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The nurse finally came in and made the mistake of saying nicely, “So, how are you today?”  I lost it. I told her about my wait time and my frustration and how it messes up everyone’s days and how I don’t understand why they don’t tell patients about the wait and let them decide to sit there or go out, etc spiele herunterladen auf handy.  I felt bad after I rambled off all my misguided aggression, it wasn’t her fault. But she looked at me and apologized and said she understood. She has heard it before and totally gets it. It’s not fair to the nurses they get the brunt of patients’ frustration and I told her that.  I apologized and we started the process of looking for a good vein.

Sidenote: Last week some chemo apparently “leaked out” of the vein they used in my hand and my forearm swelled up two days later. According to the emergency resident on call, that’s common, but since it was still sore this nurse wanted to move up my arm a bit and after 15 minutes of whacking at my arm, clenching a fist and using a heat sack, we found a decent vein to use. We were on our way.

But I wasn’t letting go of Alice. The nurse knew who I was referring to and said she’d also let Alice know I still wanted to talk to her.  I think she was more than happy to give me someone else to vent to. About 45 minutes later, after the Benadryl kicked in and I was loopy and slurry, Alice walked in the suite, pen and paper in hand what is herunterladen in english. Apparently she knows the drill.

I have to say I’m normally a pretty good patient. I don’t stress, don’t ask for much, understand how busy everyone is and don’t ever really complain.  But I am also the kind of person who needs to speak up when things are done wrong and the results of that affect people’s lives, especially my own.

So I let Alice know of the delay, of the wait time for several other patients who were furious in the waiting room and how no one is communicating with us about it and giving us options to work around it. We just had to sit there, held hostage, waiting and hoping that every time the door opened it was for one of us.  She sat there wide-eyed and said “I am flabbergasted, I don’t even have a response. That’s not acceptable, and I will definitely talk to the managers about this.”  I also told her about a few other things that they could improve upon (control freak anyone?) and she agreed with my suggestions adobe reader mac download kostenlos deutsch.  I had her trapped at this point and I wasn’t letting her go until I got it all off my chest.

Because here’s what they don’t understand. Everyone in the waiting room is sick, to varying degrees. They are fighting breast cancer. They are tired and bored and hungry and nauseas, in physical pain from previous infusions, sucking down water to combat dehydration from whatever cocktail of chemo they are getting. They are making multiple trips to the bathroom waiting to get called. Some are sitting in wheelchairs with oxygen tanks, slumped over doing their best to wait it out, looking like they are at the end of a very long, hard road. It’s emotionally draining to look at some of them and wonder, “Does she have what I have? Is she triple positive, or triple negative? Did her cancer metastasize? Is she HER2 positive? Are they out of options for her?” You have your own battle, but you wonder where her battle started and how it will end and can’t help but see your own possible future in everyone else sitting in that room fortnite herunterladen handy.  It’s bad enough to be there for 20-30 minutes waiting, but 2 hours and 45 minutes is enough time to jump like an Olympic level trampoliner to a thousand and one horrible conclusions.

At one point during our conversation we saw nurses running frantically by my suite towards the waiting room, then back again, then again towards the waiting room, all with concerned, panicked faces.  My nurse came in and said that a patient had fallen down in the hallway of the waiting room. I joked, “Well that’s one way to get some attention, she probably just wanted someone to see her and get her in a room! I’m going to try that next week.”  She didn’t think it was the right plan.

I don’t know yet what changes, if any, will be made. But it’s not right and it’s not fair to all of the patients to overload the schedule when there’s not enough rooms or nurses to accommodate it empire earth 1 free download full version. The brunt of inadequate scheduling should not fall on the shoulders of the patients who are simply trying to keep their bald heads above water and get through the day.

So next week when I’m in the waiting room for my 10th infusion, if the wait time starts to creep up, I will channel my inner Norma Rae and without a doubt again I will get up and speak up, for all of us.

QUICK UPDATE: A few people have asked how this could be since Sloan Kettering is such a top notch facility.  I felt I should clarify. It IS. My surgeon and oncologist are two of the smartest women in breast cancer medicine and their nurses and even the billing department are on top of everything.  If I had to go this far all over again I’d pick each of them to go along for the ride.  The only problem I’ve faced is this issue of epic delays trying to get chemo saliorel. It is most likely caused by the sheer volume of patients who are there, but that doesn’t excuse it. They need to expand, group up patients for infusions, add more suites or start doing some night sessions to accommodate the number of patients. Something.